50 Things to Do During An Exam When Your Going To Fail Anyway

1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm sooo sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6.Bring cheerleaders.

7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.

9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10.Bring pets.

11.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15.Come down with a bad case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38.Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

39.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41.One word: Wrestlemania.

42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43.Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

Facebook group here.

G∆L∆BIRTHDAY

The G∆L∆BLOG has now turned 3!

Thanks to everyone who is following the blog or pops by from time to time. For me it's been great to, this year, be able to reflect on what was happening to me when the Aston uni roller coaster started. So, the galablog is king of like a snapshot of some of the great experiences through the years.

When the blog stats capability came in, in the beginning of this year, I was blown away by the traffic from places I never expected like Portugal, Ireland, Japan, Luxembourg and Australia. It's very motivational to know that there is someone out there who actually does read what you write, especially having in mind the amount of bo***king my friends have given me (cheers guys!).

So, thanks again, and enjoy the last couple of months of activity before uni is officially over and I am no longer an Astonaut.

Note to Webmail

For close to three years now I have been using this blog as a platform for not only sharing uni experiences but also giving advice (a bit too many, probably). Thus, you can consider myself something like a free consultant or what I prefer "the young student's whisperer".

This leads me to my inspiration for this post. It has come to my attention that many of the freshers don't really make use of their webmail accounts (particularly, freshwomen S.S. and R.A.). After the update that the webmail system has had, it is now using Microsoft Exchange. Thus, it gives us the option to have a sync'ed phone, outlook on main computer and online webmail account, with integrated calendar and e-mail. The calendar has proven to be particularly useful as now I get notifications wherever I am on campus while using any internet device.

For connecting webmail with your iphone see: this link

The Best of The G∆L∆BLOG pt. 5

Ania's Graduation Story (April, 2009)

31st March 2009

7 am

The alarm of my clock went on wakening up everyone in the room; the day of Ania’s graduation had come. We all got dressed as fast as possible; I shaved, the girls fixed on make-up and we left.

Fortunately, Ania had a schedule prepared and knew exactly when and what to do; first step was getting the graduation robe. Apparently, every different Aston University school has a different robe. The master programme from the School of Life and Social Sciences had a black and red robe prepared for the grduands.

One interesting fact I found out: once you graduate(i.e. pass exams or desertations) before the official ceremony you are called a GRADUAND; only after the ceremony you can call yourself a GRADUATE.

After taking the robe was time for us to head to the Town Hall. The uni always prepares busses for the graduands and their family’s but it is so much better having stroll down the town centre. As we discovered, there is such a thrill from shoving your success into the other peoples’ faces. I was only one of the guests and walking next to Ania still made me feel amazing and hyper successful.

10 am

One we got to the Town Hall, Ania needed to collect our invitations and then we had to join the guests, and she the graduands. Then the worst part of the day came. We sat in our seats in the Town Hall for about an hour. At one point I dosed off, shortly awakened by the kick of the little child behind me. Irena told me that normally it is not allowed for children under seven to attend graduation ceremonies. Anyway, there was quite a bit of kicking I got to enjoy. If Ania could only hear our complaining she would have never invited us.

Vlad: “No, seriously, I am going home! [..] I will fall asleep again! […]God, I understand now why you hate kids!”

Irena: “Seriously, I do not understand who let them get kids inside. On one hand it will not understand anything from the ceremony. One the other, it will not remember anything!”

11am

After a string quartet played for most of the time we impatiently waited, an organ player came on the stage and started playing the majestic instrument. At first both me and Irena were staring like little children at the organ player, magnified by the music. After ten minutes we were again bored out of our guts.

And suddenly the ceremony started. First we were asked to turn off our phones and use our cameras on non-flash mode. Then ceremonial music started and the university academia came out. First the lecturers, then the representatives of different schools and last the chancellor, and the vice chancellor sat on their corresponding seats.

Then everyone gave a speech and the ceremony started. Me and Irena were seating in awe mesmerized by the ceremony. (Then I spent some half an hour wondering how you spell awe.)

Every candidate was called, personally, on stage, greeted by the chancellor and applauded by the audience. After a good hour, Ania came on and we started screaming and cheering. She walked as fast as she could, greeted the chancellor and then hastily stepped off the stage. (Later, Ania told me that she was unbelievably nervous; she was not sure what exactly is going on; was surprised the chancellor actually talked to her; and was too nervous to talk back.)

Outside there was a group photo and then a procession towards uni. Once in uni we went to the party of the corresponding school, gave in the robe, and rushed home, already tired by the overwhelming day.

The Official BBC Article about the Demolition

click here

The Day of Destruction

I am closing the demolition posts with some awesome photography of the towers. Enjoy!









Thanks to Adam for the great photography! Check our his other work @ www.flickr.com/photos/adders0121

The Life and Death of Dalton Tower

Dalton Tower under construction...

Dalton Tower as I remember it...
Dalton Tower after being demolished.

Demolition

The GALABLOG is thrilled to inform you that the towers will be demolished in the next 2 minutes!

The Countdown to Destruction

Demolition Day is upon us. Prepare yourself for a 7:30 evacuation fire alarm and fun at MB and the guild. Free food does sound incredibly tempting plus we get to see the blow-up! (the MB will be transformed into a massive study area, Great Hall being on of the common rooms)

Astonbury 2011 Line-up Is Out!

Here is the moment we have all been waiting for...the Astonbury performers are:

Starboy Nathan

Yasmin
The View
Zane Lowe

Devlin

Ticket prices will be 22 pounds on sale from the 23rd May.

Astonbury 2011 (announcement just around the corner)

The Astonbury line-up (and other less substantial details) will be announced later this afternoon. Who will be performing at Aston? Will it be Wretch 32, Nero, Mann, Aloe Blancc, Wiz Khalifa, Martin Solveig, Wynter Gordon, Chipmunk, Chase&Status, Cage the Elephant or even someone as big as Kasabian or Tinie Tempah. Keep checking the galablog for the first glance at the line-up. Who do you think will play at the Astonbury stage?

The Best of The G∆L∆BLOG pt. 4

For the last three years I've tried to track every single noteworthy occasion of my uni life in this blog. While making the best of..., though, I uncovered one particular "occasion" that is a bit more noteworthy than the rest. The culmination of my "Placement Adventures". Everyone who is due to apply in in future do check them out. With no further waste of your time, however, here is Placement Adventures # 11 (The End!)

I have been postponing this post for two days now, because I didn't have Internet at home.On Friday the unthinkable happened, but let us go back a little bit...

This Thursday I was having a general lazy day when I got woken up by the phone ringing. A company X invited me for an interview. Perfect timing, since I was still waiting for an answer from the [Intel] assessment day. When I hung up after the conversation with company X, I saw that I had about 7 missed calls from an unknown number. The number was non-standard and could not be dialed; so, after several failed attempts, I decided to just continue with my day.

On Friday morning, I was sitting in an extremely boring lecture [@] 9 in the morning when my phone rang. The sound of "I Like To Move It" by Will.I.Am filled the otherwise dead lecture theatre! Of course I hung up immediately when I saw that it was the unknown number that called me on Thursday. I had not choice, I had to get out of the lecture and try to dial it one more time. I asked my lecturer if it was all right for me to go out and he let me. Of course I could not dial the number, yet again... "Call failed"

I decided I cannot let this go; I stood in frond of the lecture theatre and was begging my phone "Please ring, please ring! I will never ever miss a call ever again!"

THE PHONE RANG!

X: "Hello, Vladimir"
V: "Hi!"
X: "This is S., from Intel, we met on the assessment day two weeks ago"
V: "Oh, hi S."
X: "Are you OK"
V: "Well, I am having a lecture right now, but yeah I am good"
X: "Vlad we would like to offer you a job!"
V: "Oh my god! Oh my god! Thank you, so much!"

[... essentially, more OMGs and Thank-you's]

X: "I will call you later in the day to discuss details. Have a nice time at uni."
V: "Thanks, thank you so much!"

I still cannot believe it! Later in the day I had a longer conversation with S. and I confirmed (verbally) that I accept the placement job offer for a thirteen month placement at Intel.

The search was over.