50 Things to Do During An Exam When Your Going To Fail Anyway

1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm sooo sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6.Bring cheerleaders.

7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.

9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10.Bring pets.

11.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15.Come down with a bad case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38.Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

39.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41.One word: Wrestlemania.

42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43.Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

50.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

Facebook group here.

G∆L∆BIRTHDAY

The G∆L∆BLOG has now turned 3!

Thanks to everyone who is following the blog or pops by from time to time. For me it's been great to, this year, be able to reflect on what was happening to me when the Aston uni roller coaster started. So, the galablog is king of like a snapshot of some of the great experiences through the years.

When the blog stats capability came in, in the beginning of this year, I was blown away by the traffic from places I never expected like Portugal, Ireland, Japan, Luxembourg and Australia. It's very motivational to know that there is someone out there who actually does read what you write, especially having in mind the amount of bo***king my friends have given me (cheers guys!).

So, thanks again, and enjoy the last couple of months of activity before uni is officially over and I am no longer an Astonaut.

Note to Webmail

For close to three years now I have been using this blog as a platform for not only sharing uni experiences but also giving advice (a bit too many, probably). Thus, you can consider myself something like a free consultant or what I prefer "the young student's whisperer".

This leads me to my inspiration for this post. It has come to my attention that many of the freshers don't really make use of their webmail accounts (particularly, freshwomen S.S. and R.A.). After the update that the webmail system has had, it is now using Microsoft Exchange. Thus, it gives us the option to have a sync'ed phone, outlook on main computer and online webmail account, with integrated calendar and e-mail. The calendar has proven to be particularly useful as now I get notifications wherever I am on campus while using any internet device.

For connecting webmail with your iphone see: this link

The Best of The G∆L∆BLOG pt. 5

Ania's Graduation Story (April, 2009)

31st March 2009

7 am

The alarm of my clock went on wakening up everyone in the room; the day of Ania’s graduation had come. We all got dressed as fast as possible; I shaved, the girls fixed on make-up and we left.

Fortunately, Ania had a schedule prepared and knew exactly when and what to do; first step was getting the graduation robe. Apparently, every different Aston University school has a different robe. The master programme from the School of Life and Social Sciences had a black and red robe prepared for the grduands.

One interesting fact I found out: once you graduate(i.e. pass exams or desertations) before the official ceremony you are called a GRADUAND; only after the ceremony you can call yourself a GRADUATE.

After taking the robe was time for us to head to the Town Hall. The uni always prepares busses for the graduands and their family’s but it is so much better having stroll down the town centre. As we discovered, there is such a thrill from shoving your success into the other peoples’ faces. I was only one of the guests and walking next to Ania still made me feel amazing and hyper successful.

10 am

One we got to the Town Hall, Ania needed to collect our invitations and then we had to join the guests, and she the graduands. Then the worst part of the day came. We sat in our seats in the Town Hall for about an hour. At one point I dosed off, shortly awakened by the kick of the little child behind me. Irena told me that normally it is not allowed for children under seven to attend graduation ceremonies. Anyway, there was quite a bit of kicking I got to enjoy. If Ania could only hear our complaining she would have never invited us.

Vlad: “No, seriously, I am going home! [..] I will fall asleep again! […]God, I understand now why you hate kids!”

Irena: “Seriously, I do not understand who let them get kids inside. On one hand it will not understand anything from the ceremony. One the other, it will not remember anything!”

11am

After a string quartet played for most of the time we impatiently waited, an organ player came on the stage and started playing the majestic instrument. At first both me and Irena were staring like little children at the organ player, magnified by the music. After ten minutes we were again bored out of our guts.

And suddenly the ceremony started. First we were asked to turn off our phones and use our cameras on non-flash mode. Then ceremonial music started and the university academia came out. First the lecturers, then the representatives of different schools and last the chancellor, and the vice chancellor sat on their corresponding seats.

Then everyone gave a speech and the ceremony started. Me and Irena were seating in awe mesmerized by the ceremony. (Then I spent some half an hour wondering how you spell awe.)

Every candidate was called, personally, on stage, greeted by the chancellor and applauded by the audience. After a good hour, Ania came on and we started screaming and cheering. She walked as fast as she could, greeted the chancellor and then hastily stepped off the stage. (Later, Ania told me that she was unbelievably nervous; she was not sure what exactly is going on; was surprised the chancellor actually talked to her; and was too nervous to talk back.)

Outside there was a group photo and then a procession towards uni. Once in uni we went to the party of the corresponding school, gave in the robe, and rushed home, already tired by the overwhelming day.

The Official BBC Article about the Demolition

click here

The Day of Destruction

I am closing the demolition posts with some awesome photography of the towers. Enjoy!









Thanks to Adam for the great photography! Check our his other work @ www.flickr.com/photos/adders0121

The Life and Death of Dalton Tower

Dalton Tower under construction...

Dalton Tower as I remember it...
Dalton Tower after being demolished.

Demolition

The GALABLOG is thrilled to inform you that the towers will be demolished in the next 2 minutes!

The Countdown to Destruction

Demolition Day is upon us. Prepare yourself for a 7:30 evacuation fire alarm and fun at MB and the guild. Free food does sound incredibly tempting plus we get to see the blow-up! (the MB will be transformed into a massive study area, Great Hall being on of the common rooms)

Astonbury 2011 Line-up Is Out!

Here is the moment we have all been waiting for...the Astonbury performers are:

Starboy Nathan

Yasmin
The View
Zane Lowe

Devlin

Ticket prices will be 22 pounds on sale from the 23rd May.

Astonbury 2011 (announcement just around the corner)

The Astonbury line-up (and other less substantial details) will be announced later this afternoon. Who will be performing at Aston? Will it be Wretch 32, Nero, Mann, Aloe Blancc, Wiz Khalifa, Martin Solveig, Wynter Gordon, Chipmunk, Chase&Status, Cage the Elephant or even someone as big as Kasabian or Tinie Tempah. Keep checking the galablog for the first glance at the line-up. Who do you think will play at the Astonbury stage?

The Best of The G∆L∆BLOG pt. 4

For the last three years I've tried to track every single noteworthy occasion of my uni life in this blog. While making the best of..., though, I uncovered one particular "occasion" that is a bit more noteworthy than the rest. The culmination of my "Placement Adventures". Everyone who is due to apply in in future do check them out. With no further waste of your time, however, here is Placement Adventures # 11 (The End!)

I have been postponing this post for two days now, because I didn't have Internet at home.On Friday the unthinkable happened, but let us go back a little bit...

This Thursday I was having a general lazy day when I got woken up by the phone ringing. A company X invited me for an interview. Perfect timing, since I was still waiting for an answer from the [Intel] assessment day. When I hung up after the conversation with company X, I saw that I had about 7 missed calls from an unknown number. The number was non-standard and could not be dialed; so, after several failed attempts, I decided to just continue with my day.

On Friday morning, I was sitting in an extremely boring lecture [@] 9 in the morning when my phone rang. The sound of "I Like To Move It" by Will.I.Am filled the otherwise dead lecture theatre! Of course I hung up immediately when I saw that it was the unknown number that called me on Thursday. I had not choice, I had to get out of the lecture and try to dial it one more time. I asked my lecturer if it was all right for me to go out and he let me. Of course I could not dial the number, yet again... "Call failed"

I decided I cannot let this go; I stood in frond of the lecture theatre and was begging my phone "Please ring, please ring! I will never ever miss a call ever again!"

THE PHONE RANG!

X: "Hello, Vladimir"
V: "Hi!"
X: "This is S., from Intel, we met on the assessment day two weeks ago"
V: "Oh, hi S."
X: "Are you OK"
V: "Well, I am having a lecture right now, but yeah I am good"
X: "Vlad we would like to offer you a job!"
V: "Oh my god! Oh my god! Thank you, so much!"

[... essentially, more OMGs and Thank-you's]

X: "I will call you later in the day to discuss details. Have a nice time at uni."
V: "Thanks, thank you so much!"

I still cannot believe it! Later in the day I had a longer conversation with S. and I confirmed (verbally) that I accept the placement job offer for a thirteen month placement at Intel.

The search was over.

The Best of The G∆L∆BLOG pt. 3

In my second year I had the obnoxious idea to give exam tips on the galablog. Here is the experiment I did after.

The [first] Experiment

Well, it seems that even I cannot follow [my own exam tips]! So, we come to "The Experiment!"; this is my way of giving you a [final] tip through experience. Before I wrote last week's post I was "revising" [...] in clubs in Bulgaria [...], in clubs in Birmingham[...] and then in the pubs in Dublin (no, Guinness does not help in exam prep!) To come to the point, I have had an amazing winter holiday, there was just one thing missing - revision!

The Experiment will consist of a series of posts (one each hour) and record my day unfortunately, it is going to be a long "day". Here we go!

03:26 I am sitting in my room, "revising"; last minute prep has been quite a common thing in the past week. It happened on Wednesday and Thursday an through the weekend! so for the record - MICROECONOMICS AND ECONOMETRICS REVISION (last minute of course) -- exam to start in 6 hours --

04:26 The revision continues, night productivity is low, for the past hour the inconsiderate student has done only 2 questions (and a half), productivity on the exam has to be almost twice as good, 4 questions for one hour! Since productivity at night is low (and getting worse) one needs to, spend much longer and most probably see the dawn! --exam to start in 5 hours--

05:26 Still revising, finished all open questions, will be starting multiple choice. In the one hour that has passed I managed to have a tea and two cigarettes, one right after my last post and one just before this one. Had to brush teeth (When you drink coffee and English breakfast tea in a combination with cigarettes in the middle of the night you can actually feel the nicotine inside your teeth! Yes, I know it is quite disgusting! Decided to stop smoking after exams. Made plans for econometrics revision - later tonight. -- 4 hours till exam --

06:26 Am so tired; have finished multiple choice questions; can barely keep eyes open; will go to bed for 40 min (hopefully it helps) Did I tell you I fell asleep on my first exam in this exam session - Strategic Finance :) -- 3 hours till exam--

07:26 I woke up 20 min ago and am continuing the studies! --2 hours till exam!--

08:26 Have transformed myself in a human form and am heading towards uni. --1 hour till exam--

09:26 At this time my exam is just about to start (I wrote this post a bit earlier and scheduled it to post now) so I cannot make any conclusions just yet. I can evaluate chances though, previous Microeconomics Exam - 78% need little to pass! I hope I am OK :) --2 minutes to exam--

10:26 First hour of exam is about to pass, people can now leave the examination room!

11:26 Exam will finish in about ten minutes, I don't know how correct my answers are but at least there is something on the paper! -- next exam in 2hours and 34 minutes--

12:26 I finished my first exam (Microeconomics) half an hour ago. Now I am sitting in Dolche Vita and am trying to memorise at least some of the Econometrics stuff. --next exam in 1 hour 55 minutes--

13:26 Have you ever heard of the different stages you go through when you find out you are going to die from cancer, for example. I remember there's regret and acceptance in the end, of course after you have passed bargaining and sorrow. Well, right now I am on the bargaining stage - please let a fire burn the exam papers, nothing else just the econometrics exam papers, just postpone it a couple of days! On the other hand I am also realising this is not really going to happen so I am just regretting not studying when I should have! --exam in half an hour--

14:26 The exam has started and now I have accepted my faith, I am either barely going to pass or fail! God, please let me have at least 35%, I will compensate with the coursework!

15:26 There is only half an hour left and I am still struggling; am just waiting for death now!

16:26 Exam has finished and I am so tired! I am not mad about the mark any more. I will try to compensate in the second term. -- next exam in 21 hours and 34 minutes --

17:26 OK, maybe the exam was not that hard, now that I think about it... Anyway too late now, so there is no point of bargaining or anger, or depression! Life goes! Now the most important thing is sleep! --next exam in 20 hours and 34 minutes--

18:26 Sleeping for a bit.

19:26 could not wake up to do this post... :( God I hate it when I am too tired to turn an alarm off, or wake up :( still, revision has to continue --next exam in 18 hours and 30min--

20:26 As a true student, i have gotten to the point I am wasting my time! Now I am talking to my ex on skype about last months of 2008! Seriously, I think I have a special power - Time Wasting :D -- 17 hours and 34 minutes until exam--

21:26 Just had a fag and a tea, will make myself one more and the revision night may start - this one will continue till 2 in the afternoon tomorrow but fortunately my experiment will end before that... you will hear the results later and see if this policy is a good one or a bad and if there is a point f my exam tips! --16 hours and 34 minutes until next exam--

22:26 Well, I will be honest with you, I have not done much :D till now! will start though, will start! - this is a proof of my library theory (although I am not in the library it is applicable), remember one of my previous posts about the library and how everyone there is on facebook and/on youtube! Well, you don't have to be in the library to waste your time when revising! -- exam in 15 hours and 34 minutes!--

23:26 Having Dinner, starting in a bit! -- 14 hours and 34 minutes till exam --

00:26 Started revising. I had forgotten how much one needs to read to be able to pass history - my Emerging Economies Exam tomorrow. I was dumbfounded when I found out how many people have failed this module in the past three years. Now I understand why - you cannot truly prepare; there is no single set of things you can revise; lecture notes are not enough on their own; and even if you read all the articles we have had to read through the term (I pride on reading almost half) and you memorize the lectures, as long as you cannot analyse your readings you cannot pass. This is a problem, after so many sleepless nights my analytical skills are probably weaker than ever; so, I have decided to go to bed at 02:30, right after my last post and wake up at 7 to continue. Surely almost 5 hours sleep will do me good. [+ (you have to be so concentrated to understand these articles and when you're tired it's impossible) + (the exam starts at two so I have half a day tomorrow just for revision)] -- 13 hours, 34 minutes till exam --

01:26 Not worried about exam any more. In the end of the day I am trying to do my best and this is most important. Am I showing my best? Probably not. Have I done all I could to reach best knowledge? Probably not. Yet, in the end of the day I am certain that I have worked (and worried), and tried, and did all I could do for the time I have had. Would I trade any of the time I had in Bulgaria with my friends and family, and Ania's farewell week for a higher mark? No. --12hrs, 34min--

02:26 The Ecperiment is over. I hope you had fun tracing the day with me, and learned to always try to plan ahead! I will share the productivity level of my sleepless nights (meaning the results) when it comes out in a few months. --last exam from exam session to come in 11 hours and 34 minutes --

*rest and a week of losing time to come in 13 hours and 40 minutes*