Recap Time

I am in my room and last two days I have reading a book that has been far too sad and cheerful, depressing and hilarious for me – The Rabbi’s Daughter by Reva Mann. See, before I came to the UK I had never experienced different cultures closely. The short trips abroad and the awkward meeting with strangers have never given me even a hint of the people different from me. That is probably why I was so stricken by the diversity of London and Birmingham when I came. Now, that I am more aware of the differences between me and my friends I want to know more about the different cultures. Probably the confessions of a Jewish woman will make me see the world as she saw it. Yet, my Jewish flat mate seems reluctant discuss the experiences he has had in Israel with me. Or, probably, I seem more stupidity and ridicule in my questions. I hope I have not been, as now I try to respect the different cultures more.

Tonight I feel like thinking about the distance between me and my parents. I feel like the thing I have dreaded the most has happened and now I am a distant part of their daily routine, a phone call in the evening and nothing more. As much as 'they keep loving me', I feel abandoned. The visits to Bulgaria every two months just remind me of the life I have left behind. The stories of my Bulgarian friends just make me feel jealous for they have different routines, problems and joys.

Every phone call with my father starts with a short silence and is always distant. As much as we have never had any emotional connection I have always, well, hoped that he would open up and accept me as a equal human being one day, capable of decisions, thoughts, emotions… My mother on the other hand has always being my friend, as much as people think of it impossible. And, now deven though I speak to her for hours on the phone, the awkward moment of silence always comes. If it does not, then she becomes distracted with something in the house and is not paying any attention to our conversation. Believe me the worst thing is to hear your mother talking to your little sister about something while you are trying to have your personal half an hour conversation with her, the distance between you being thousands of miles.

Yet I cannot, like my friends here, call my parents once a week and just explain briefly my current situation like a soldier to his commander. And explain is the exact terming, for they do not ask for a permission or advice. As much as I am independent now, I like to think that there is someone there judging me. Maybe it is this lack of judgement in the awkward silence that threatens me and makes me feel grown up and alone.

Anyway, in, as short as, an hour I will be at a Lakeside Party and these troubles will be just a flashing memory behind me. TIP 5 for prospective students: try to avoid the short moments of self pity and loneliness, for there would always be something happening at Uni and do not waste your time being sorry for yourself! Go with the flow!